I'm not entirely sure what to title this post. Lately I've been having a whirlwind of emotions. Elsie just turned one, and I always said I wanted my children to be pretty close together. 2 years or closer. People are starting to ask when I'm going to have another baby. Its weird how emotional this all is making me. Im sitting here crying just thinking about it. I want Elsie to have a younger brother or sister so badly. But honestly, I am terrified. Not sure if this is normal, but it scares the living daylights out of me thinking about having another baby. The love I have for Elsie is so powerful and consuming. When she fell and we weren't sure if she would be okay, I literally felt like my heart was breaking. She is my entire world! And the thought of doubling that love, that vulnerability, terrifies me to my core. I also find myself wondering how its possible to love Elsie soooo much, and then when I have another baby, I will love that child just as much. Maybe I need someone to tell me they had the same fears after their first child. Maybe its because Chase and I are here in Utah without any of our family. Or maybe I'm just not ready. Maybe in a couple months I'll wake up and know that it is time. I guess I just need to be patient.